I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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