She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize