he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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