1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It's rum buckets o'clock
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize