Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
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The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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