dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize