My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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