You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
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If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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