apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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