Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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