Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
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The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
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I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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