if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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