my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
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Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
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Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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