If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I could make wine with my vomit
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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