I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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