I met the friendliest cop last night
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
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She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
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It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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