You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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