I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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