I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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