Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize