Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
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Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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