there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
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My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
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He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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