thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize