I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
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I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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