She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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