We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
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I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
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I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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