Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
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And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
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We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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