he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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