Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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