I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
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Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
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There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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