update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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