We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you will always have a special place in my vag
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
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Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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