The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
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for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
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Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize