he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
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He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
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Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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