The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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