I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
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It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
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You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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