Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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