So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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