we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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