We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
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