I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
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