piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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