Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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