absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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