I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize