i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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