only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize