she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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