i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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