trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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