i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
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My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
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He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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