if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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