Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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