So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
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Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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